In one of our last blogs, we wrote about expertise, and how satisfying it is to become an expert in a subject. Now, we are coming at the subject from a different angle. And that is the glorious wealth of experts who are out there, ready to give you their help.
We don’t just see people struggling in the context of our own work. We see them everywhere. You only have to make a quick pass through social media to find people who are in despair over family troubles, loneliness, problems at work. We hear sad stories about people who are ready to give up on their horses. There are two common refrains that come, over and over again. They are: ‘I don’t know what to do,’ and ‘I will never be good enough’.
In our experience, when people are stuck in this dark place of fear and loathing, they feel a profound sense of shame. There is a voice in their heads which tells them that they should be able to sort out their problems by themselves. Because of this, they find it incredibly difficult to reach out for help.
But the wonderful news is that there is help all around. This is where the experts come in. They are out there, waiting for you. They have the knowledge, the empathy, the experience that you need. There is no shame in turning to them, because they love being able to share their accumulated learning, so that it has a point. They get to be useful, which is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world, and you get to feel better. Everybody wins.
When we see a veteran come up our drive, weighed down with sorrow or trauma or pain, the word shame is not in our vocabulary. We are galvanised and delighted, because this is what we’ve worked so hard for. We know that we can make a difference to that person’s life. We know that they are at the beginning of a great, new voyage into healing and possibility.
So, you could even say that asking for help is doing someone a favour. You are allowing them to give you something precious, and that makes them feel fulfilled and pointful. The experts don’t want to be sitting around, eating bonbons and twiddling their thumbs; they want to put their knowledge to purposeful use.
The other brilliant things about the experts is that they are much more accessible than they once were. You don’t have to go to Harley Street any more to find a fabulous psychotherapist. They are online now, so you simply have to get on the Zoom. You don’t have to box your horse up and drive halfway across the country to find a brilliant horse trainer. There are video courses and subscription groups where you can learn amazing amounts about horses and horsemanship. A lot of the expertise now available is free. One of our team uses YouTube like it is the Open University. She finds what she calls her ‘YouTube Professors’ and gathers fascinating information on everything from how the mind works to the distant mysteries of the solar system.
You do need to have a decent nonsense detector, because there are some charlatans out there. But there are many good people, sharing their life’s work, and it seems churlish not to take advantage of that.
So when the voices come that say, ‘I can’t’, try turning that into ‘I can’. I can find someone who will help. I can search out the information and expertise which will release me from my mental chains. I can remember that I am not alone, and that there are helping hands everywhere.
